60th chattering


Another milestone, my 60th chattering today after almost 8 months of blogging! Time for me to take stock, and look back at how it all started. There were many contributing factors, but as I went along, I realized that my main reason for blogging was to re-discover myself; my thoughts, feelings and emotions. If you hover over my Gravatar image on the right, you will find my name and the caption ‘Born and bred in the East, now living in the West. I’m neither here nor there, a mere traveller passing through this brief life’. This statement was not originally invented to draw people’s attention to my blog. I happen to feel as such most of the time, kind of trapped in between the two worlds I’ve occupied, the East and the West, and I’m neither here nor there!

Let me give you a simple example. Each time I’m about to land in Kuala Lumpur after my 12 hour direct flight from London, I would look down at the lush tropical landscape below and feel tears of happiness in my eyes. Images and memories of my loved ones would fill my heart and head, and for the few weeks I’m there I would totally immerse myself as the Malaysian that I am, living the current lifestyle there, which was very familiar to me once. But after a while I would get this niggling feeling that things don’t seem quite like they used to be, my reactions and feelings towards life there have somewhat changed too. And I’m not quite like my family, relatives or friends anymore, I’ve become a different person. Then back on the plane to England, where I would be crying my heart out, leaving everything behind again. I get quite emotional the moment the plane takes off, wondering when I’ll be back in my homeland, when I shall see all my family and friends once more. After 12 hours I’d be gazing over the evergreen landscape of England, and the pretty neat rows of houses and River Thames in London. My heart would skip a beat, remembering that this is home now, where my beloved husband and children are, where the rest of my life now lies. I would feel extremely relieved when I finally touch ground, back into their loving arms (I normally stay longer in Malaysia, hubby would return earlier to work)!

For a wee while afterwards however I would miss my homeland and everyone there tremendously, but slowly I would settle down into my familiar routine and meet up with my British counterparts, and I would eventually recover from the emotional rollercoaster I experienced. Nonetheless, after 16 years of living in the West, I have to say this transition phase has become a little easier, and I believe it’s because I finally feel a sense of belonging where I am now, I actually feel part of the British Asian community here in England. From the way I dress to the food I eat, right down to the way I think and speak, I have adopted many of the values of the Asians living in this country. I feel happy as a British resident, like the rest of my family (hubby and children) who are British born and bred. And all the people I know here (in-laws, friends and neighbours) have been nothing but warm towards me throughout these 16 years, which has helped a lot. Well, who wouldn’t be happy and glorious as partly British anyway, just take a look at the Olympics opening ceremony last Friday, no other country in the world would have their beloved Queen jump off the helicopter with James Bond! British humour at its best, which I would have found a little odd in the past, but now I just can’t help laughing! 🙂

Anyway, life goes on as they say, and even though I would always be reminded of the wordings on a card I once read, ‘with me here and you there, I’m neither here nor there’ when I think of Malaysia, I’m grateful that I’m able to return home once in a while and have my beloved family over for holidays, Alhamdulillah. To those of you out there who’s experienced similar feelings you’re welcome to pop me a line or two, would love to hear from you. I end today’s post with a few random images which reminds me of this entry. I’ve also included a link to the highlights of the Olympics opening ceremony right at the bottom. Have a good week everyone! 🙂

something old: the aircraft which will always carry my heart halfway across the world from East to West- courtesy of Google images

something new: my tea-towel, showing my new passion!

something old-my love for roses since I was 16

something new: my love for sweet things, especially ones made by my baking trio; hubby and his lovely assistants (our 2 youngest girls)! blueberries in season now!

London Olympics Opening Ceremony Highlights


21 responses

    • Thanks! My current accent is kind of in between as well, not quite like a typical Malay, nor like a proper British either! And my friends do tease me a little, yes! 🙂

  1. What a heart-felt post. Thank you for sharing. I didn’t know you’re from Malaysia. Funny enough, just last week, I was randomly saying to myself that I want to visit Malaysia one day. And I began looking up visiting information online. Then I began looking up Malaysian restarurants down here where I live, and usually there are Asian restaurants that carry 2 or 3 differents Asian country types of food. I found one, west of where I live, but maybe a 20 to 30 minute drive.

    I’m glad you have found your peace where you are and aren’t. Remember, home is where the heart is, and if you are at peace in your heart, you will always be home. 🙂

    • thanks moon! you are so right of course! my blog has somehow helped me reach that stage, of finding peace in my heart and feeling at home right here and now. let me know what you think of the malaysian food near yours! 🙂

  2. I understand how you feel. 16 years?!! That’s a long time. I suppose the trick is to know that there are two homes instead of one. Hope you find peace always.

    • thanks for understanding and for the tip! as i write my blog entries on england i realized how much i’ve come to love living here, not just from the tourist point of view (though england is lovely that way), but the actual day to day living too. that wasnt the case in the first few years, i felt more like a foreigner stopping by.

  3. I can relate to a lot of things you mentioned here. And can understand where you are coming from. Loved it!

  4. I am the same too, most of the time I feel I am neither here nor there, ni baru 10 tahun, belum 16 tahun macam you :)When on the plane going back to Malaysia hati I ni melonjak2 seronok, and when in Malaysia spending time with my family lagi lah seronok, time nak balik NZ balik memang sedih tapi hati I selalu jugak tak sabar nak balik NZ because I feel NZ is home now for me. I love Malaysia and I also love my life here in NZ 🙂

    • my sentiments exactly, thanks for sharing, its nice to know i’m not alone! when my late dad was alive it was more difficult, i couldnt stand to see his forlorn face as he watched me go. i know my mom and sisters feel sad too, but becoz they’re stronger characters i try to be tough in front of them and save my tears for later.

  5. This is beautiful, so glad to have met you through my blog! I can definitely relate, growing up as an Asian minority in the States and then recently going back to live in Taiwan where my family is originally from. Like you said, sometimes you feel like you don’t quite belong anywhere but in between and you just have to learn to find the right balance. I’m still trying but it’s been a good learning experience so far. Thanks for sharing and congrats on the 60th post! Funny enough, I just hit my 60th as well. 🙂

    • congrats on your 60th too! 🙂 you’re right, it is a good learning experience, and over the years it makes one stronger as a person as a result. thanks for sharing your perspective, always feel better knowing there’s others out there who share similar feelings!

    • thank you! it’s orange & almond pudding with blueberries and cream, it does look like a cake though. quite straightforward to make, the girls enjoyed baking with their dad. thanks for stopping by!

  6. A lovely compilation of what who and when..!! its clearly visible the way life changes and priorities of life changes..!! and how well u adopted yoursef to the western household is praiseworthy.. 🙂 🙂 and love the way your thought flow while you write.. 🙂 🙂