Another milestone, my 60th chattering today after almost 8 months of blogging! Time for me to take stock, and look back at how it all started. There were many contributing factors, but as I went along, I realized that my main reason for blogging was to re-discover myself; my thoughts, feelings and emotions. If you hover over my Gravatar image on the right, you will find my name and the caption ‘Born and bred in the East, now living in the West. I’m neither here nor there, a mere traveller passing through this brief life’. This statement was not originally invented to draw people’s attention to my blog. I happen to feel as such most of the time, kind of trapped in between the two worlds I’ve occupied, the East and the West, and I’m neither here nor there!
Let me give you a simple example. Each time I’m about to land in Kuala Lumpur after my 12 hour direct flight from London, I would look down at the lush tropical landscape below and feel tears of happiness in my eyes. Images and memories of my loved ones would fill my heart and head, and for the few weeks I’m there I would totally immerse myself as the Malaysian that I am, living the current lifestyle there, which was very familiar to me once. But after a while I would get this niggling feeling that things don’t seem quite like they used to be, my reactions and feelings towards life there have somewhat changed too. And I’m not quite like my family, relatives or friends anymore, I’ve become a different person. Then back on the plane to England, where I would be crying my heart out, leaving everything behind again. I get quite emotional the moment the plane takes off, wondering when I’ll be back in my homeland, when I shall see all my family and friends once more. After 12 hours I’d be gazing over the evergreen landscape of England, and the pretty neat rows of houses and River Thames in London. My heart would skip a beat, remembering that this is home now, where my beloved husband and children are, where the rest of my life now lies. I would feel extremely relieved when I finally touch ground, back into their loving arms (I normally stay longer in Malaysia, hubby would return earlier to work)!
For a wee while afterwards however I would miss my homeland and everyone there tremendously, but slowly I would settle down into my familiar routine and meet up with my British counterparts, and I would eventually recover from the emotional rollercoaster I experienced. Nonetheless, after 16 years of living in the West, I have to say this transition phase has become a little easier, and I believe it’s because I finally feel a sense of belonging where I am now, I actually feel part of the British Asian community here in England. From the way I dress to the food I eat, right down to the way I think and speak, I have adopted many of the values of the Asians living in this country. I feel happy as a British resident, like the rest of my family (hubby and children) who are British born and bred. And all the people I know here (in-laws, friends and neighbours) have been nothing but warm towards me throughout these 16 years, which has helped a lot. Well, who wouldn’t be happy and glorious as partly British anyway, just take a look at the Olympics opening ceremony last Friday, no other country in the world would have their beloved Queen jump off the helicopter with James Bond! British humour at its best, which I would have found a little odd in the past, but now I just can’t help laughing! 🙂
Anyway, life goes on as they say, and even though I would always be reminded of the wordings on a card I once read, ‘with me here and you there, I’m neither here nor there’ when I think of Malaysia, I’m grateful that I’m able to return home once in a while and have my beloved family over for holidays, Alhamdulillah. To those of you out there who’s experienced similar feelings you’re welcome to pop me a line or two, would love to hear from you. I end today’s post with a few random images which reminds me of this entry. I’ve also included a link to the highlights of the Olympics opening ceremony right at the bottom. Have a good week everyone! 🙂