wedding bells


wedding cake made by a friend

I’ve had the pleasure of attending two lovely weddings this year; a neighbour’s son got married in mid-summer and a couple of weeks ago my hubby’s cousin tied the knot. Both weddings were of young couples in their 20s embarking on a life-long journey together. Very exciting times indeed, such betrothment tends to remind me of my own feelings as a newly wed many moons ago. I pray that both couples find happiness and have a lasting blessed marriage. And just when I thought all wedding bells are over this year (as the winter months are dawning upon us here), I received a surprise invite to a henna/mehndi party last weekend! This almost 40-year-old friend of mine who got divorced last year suddenly announced out of the blue that she’s getting married again! We were all taken by surprise (my group of lady friends and I), some even thought it was much too soon. The bride-to-be however seemed eager to start afresh. So we all gathered at her place to see her have henna applied on her hands; and we had real great fun eating, chatting and laughing away together!!

bride to be with henna/mehndi decorated on her hands and nails

This is the second time around I’ve attended a get-together to celebrate a friend’s subsequent wedding. At first I did find it a bit strange, but of late I hear of more second marriages taking place, it has become a rather normal occurrence. Such was not the case when my mom’s generation were in their late 30s or in their 40s, it was almost unheard of. I know of several good friends (both in the East and in the West) who got divorced and have since remarried or are looking forward to do so. I admire these women who want to move on and start anew, after a failed marriage there’s always the fear that things might not work out again. But these women need companionship; and with several children in tow, they wouldn’t say no if the right man pops along. The sort of men they choose are those who’s been through similar circumstances; they are either divorced themselves, or have lost their wives through some illness or tragedy. In some Islāmic cultures it is also common for some middle-aged men to take second wives, I know of a few Muslim women who are in such wedlock.

As indicated earlier, I used to find wedding nuptials other than the conventional one (happily ever after young couples) rather unfamiliar and mystifying. But as I enter the second half of my existence, I find myself exposed to other kinds of union that doesn’t fit my idea of an ideal marriage. I have long learnt to stop judging people, I know I can never put myself in these women’s shoes. Each and every woman is different. I have now learned to accept and think positively of other types of matrimony, as long as all parties are happy with whatever works best for them, so be it. As long as one’s happiness is not built on someone else’s misery that is. In true Islam, women must be treated with honour and compassion. Enough said now, I wish and pray the very best for my friend, hopefully this time around she’ll find the contentment she’s been longing for…

A Muslim bride, photo courtesy of Google Images

Enjoy the wedding song below dedicated to all newly weds!


10 responses

  1. Beautiful. I think our journey, in whatever religious or belief system we come from, is about acceptance, joy and peace. for many years we may think we are right about everything we do and think, but after we experience the world with different eyes, wisdom kicks in and new realities begin to form. it’s important to realize that we never stop growing, learning and adjusting, no matter what our age may be.

    • you’re right of course. i must admit i’ve been rather uncomfortable whenever the topic of divorce, second marriage or second wife crops up, in my mind there is a kind of stigma attached to it somehow. i wasn’t even so sure how i felt about it until i wrote the above post, it has helped me come to terms with my inner thoughts and feelings on the matter.

      • That’s awesome. There are many things in the past that I have felt uncomfortable with. But then i’ve known people who are familiar with those things and bring different perspectives to the table. Other times i experience such things myself that allows me to understand it in the first place and puts me in place.
        It’s all a learning experience. 🙂

    • yes, many islamic cultures have this tradition, they are great fun especially within a circle of women who get along well! i certainly had a good time this time around! 🙂 it also gives the bride to be a chance to calm down her nerves before the big day…and chill out with her closest and dearest mates!

      • So True! I guess the closest that the American culture has to this would be getting your nails painted/acrylic nails applied. It certainly is fun to relax with friends and family.

  2. that mehndi is gorgeous. I bet it was a lot of fun. InshaAllah your friend and her husband find the peace and love they were looking for. I know first hand how hard this can be. It warms my heart to know people are opening up their minds just a little more, cracking open the cultural shells that bind. Its a good thing in the end.

  3. Jazakallah! Yes, it was great fun, it’s always nice to catch up with other sisters and have some relaxing time together, without the husband and children! I like the term you used, ‘cracking open the cutural shells that bind’. Sadly, I believe the ummah has a long way to go yet in this aspect, for many (especially women), it’s not easy to get out of that cultural bind. It’s very important for both men and women to understand the real Islam and their roles as husbands and wives, and treat each other well.

  4. Askum Kak,

    Actually I love to see all ur pixs and its nice and I feel very enjoy to view…..anyway Allah swt bless u wherever you’re….Amin