keep calm

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A woman should always stay calm and relaxed, behaving as if nothing in this world really troubles her. All the attacks of nerves and hysterics are not for the public. You’d better never let them see you cry. Tears have a strong effect on men, but don’t abuse it. – Anonymous

I’d like to write about people and feelings this time around, something which has been playing on my mind. A topic many others have touched upon, but this is from my own humble perspective. What do you do when your expectations of people are not met, or when you do not meet someone’s great expectations? I’m not talking about those within our four walls, with our loved ones at home we can have an open discussion to sort matters out. At least, that’s what I’d like to think, it works for me every time. I’m talking about the rest of the world out there; other people whom you have to deal with in your current life. It could be the rest of your clan, friends, colleagues, neighbours or acquaintances. There are times when people expect you to go about in a certain way, but you don’t. Vice versa, you might wish so and so would understand how you feel and treat you accordingly, but they don’t. Frustration would well up leading to annoyance and anger, and all kinds of other negative feelings which are not healthy at all.

These days when I find myself in such a situation, I try to stay calm. If it’s not a matter of life and death, I will let it go. I repeat to myself that it’s fine, no big deal really that the other person has hurt my feelings a little, it’s not the end of the world. And if I cannot please certain people for some reason or another, then it’s perfectly all right too. I’m the sort who sometimes over analyse matters and often wish everyone can get on well with one another. Wishful thinking I know, one cannot determine other people’s reaction or behaviour. Therefore I’ve now decided not to stress myself over other people’s response which I cannot control, I can only take charge of my own. I do my best to please others around me within my capacity. But I’ve stopped feeling overly responsible or guilty if I cannot fulfill someone’s wishes. I’ve also stopped relying on others to make me happy. I’ve learnt to lower my expectations, in fact in many instances I try not to expect anything at all from others. I realized I feel happier this way, more often than not I would receive some pleasant surprise in return. Love and kindness from others knock on your door when you least expect them sometimes. I believe everyone has their own strategy in dealing with people they find difficult to relate to. I don’t like confrontations, I would rather leave it be. If I’m clearly in the wrong, I would take heed, I’m not the sort who’s reluctant to apologise, even on petty subjects. I’d hate to think someone is feeling bad because of me.

On the other hand, I would allow myself to feel all the hurt, pain, anger, annoyance, bitterness, sadness and frustration if someone has mistreated my feelings. I might shed a quiet tear or two, then I would take a deep breath and let go of it all. No hard feelings left in me any longer afterwards, pointless really. Hearts can change after all, no point bearing grudges or burning your bridges. I would turn around and focus on the positive things in my current life; my faith, my family and my hobbies, to name a few. I try to focus on my blessings always. Keep calm and carry on as they say, as printed on these lovely souvenirs I found in a quaint gift shop. What about the rest of you, how do you cope, if you don’t mind me asking?

keep calm!

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9 responses

  1. I definitely agree with you on your perspective. It’s too hard to try and please everyone and much too tiring so like you, I’ve figured out that it’s usually best not to expect anything and just try to be the best person we can. I do think we should pick our battles and not compromise every single time but more often than not, it’s a better idea to be the bigger person and move on rather than let a small thing keep eating away at us. Lovely post, lots of food for thought here! 🙂

    • hi there, thanks for popping by and leaving your thoughts! yeah, there are times when we have to put our foot down (albeit in the best manner possible, with elderly people especially), what more if our personal values/choices are being judged. but as you said, most of the time, better to just let go and remain calm, best for our own state of mind and heart.

  2. Salam dear friend.
    I agree with you on this totally. I’ve learnt to do that a long time ago!
    Take care, my friend!

  3. At my young age, I have been doing the same. I hold no expectations any more and i refrain from language that may incite others’ expectations from me. My aim is not to please people though it may happen simultaneously as I try to live a life akin to our prophets. I strongly believe that the less we expect of others, the less disappointment there will be and vice versa. Great post Noor. Always lovely to hear your thoughts!

    Love,
    Moon

    • you’re very wise for your age moon, i know i wasn’t like that at your age. you’re right about less expectations bringing less disappointments in life, saves us from many headaches really. my hubby always says to me dealing with people is never easy…so true. thanks for popping by, always good to hear from you!

    • it was originally a propaganda poster in 1939 during the Second World War, intended to raise the morale of the Brits in the event of the Nazi invasion. Recently during the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and Olympics it was reintroduced in a big way, a kind of British patriotism.