forever young

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Greetings all! I know, it’s been well over a week since I last blogged. So much for hoping to blog weekly! Each night I try to get on the computer after my children have gone to bed, but I’ll be too shattered to put my thoughts down. My hubby said it doesn’t matter if I blogged every fortnight instead, no point sticking to my once a week writing if it’s not of good quality. I suppose he has a point. Anyway, here I am tonight, missing my blog and ready to share some thoughts with you!

Now that we’re officially middle-aged (my hubby disagrees, he who still has thick curly hair and taut tummy compared to other men his age!), I cannot help but hear of illnesses and deaths all around me. I mean, we do hear about it all the time, but somehow it stays with me a bit longer than usual now that I’m older. I remember losing a very dear cousin of mine when I was about 20. He was barely 17. My first real loss, I was devastated, but I quickly bounced back. I was very sad but I didn’t go around thinking that it could also happen to me. Like being ill or being involved in a tragic accident, it’s unfortunate that it had happened to others but surely it wouldn’t touch me? I then heard of several University mates passing away in my mid 20s, again same line of thoughts occurred. Afterwards a few relatives died suddenly in their late 50s, I remember how I wasn’t too bothered at all. Until my own dad passed away in my early 30s, then it hit me real hard!

I went around like a zombie afterwards, I kept thinking about death. Life seemed really bleak from then on. I wanted to wear all black permanently, I felt no joy whatsoever. My husband was really patient with me, always there to pick me up. I then found happiness once more when my daughter was born the following year. Children keep you busy 24/7, they are the essence of life. You cannot be half dead whilst raising children, you have to be fully awake. You need to be alive in every sense of the word! So my life resumed its normalcy. All 3 of my remaining grandparents also passed away the same year, but I could handle it. I was busy with my family life and more accepting of death. I then lost my dear Uncle a few years ago (so sad, he reminded me of my father a lot), I was able to deal with my emotion through one of my posts, Goodbye Uncle. Until now of course, fast forward 15 years, we arrive to where I am today.

Now it’s like an everyday occurrence almost; I hear so and so being ill, I hear so and so dying. And I start questioning my own mortality, I know I’m being morbid but I just can’t help it. Today I went to the doctor’s for my health check-up, all seemed fine (Alhamdulillah) apart from the usual hormonal change that women my age go through. Even that made me a little upset, I feel as if I’m not able to cope. My hubby said I’m strong and I’ve been through a lot, he’s certain I can jump pass this next hurdle in my life. InshaAllah, I can. But it just breaks my heart to pieces to hear one of my friends from boarding school being terminally ill, yes, at my age. So very young still, as many would consider. Another school friend passed away a couple of years ago, also from cancer. I can’t brush it away anymore like I did 2 decades ago, certainly not. I have to take heed, it’s a reminder. Illnesses and deaths remind us of our temporary existence in this world. One day we too shall perish, sooner or later we don’t quite know.

What do we do in the meantime? We carry on living until our last breath. We do our best in carrying out the roles in life we’ve been carved out to play. We continue to strive for success and happiness. We try to help those around us, we try to be good people. We don’t falter or lose hope. And that’s how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. I shall stay positive, my family needs me. I may be middle-aged, but that’s just a number. I need to stay young at heart, so that I can carry on. There will be thorns here and there, that’s for certain. But I can ride through it, I shall try my best. I shall make the most of my life, no one else is going to do it for me…

With that I end my post. I’m reminded of another favourite of ours at boarding school back in the 80s. Forever young, I want to be FOREVER YOUNG! Do you really want to live FOREVER? The wordings moved me even back then, now it seem very apt. The world we live in today, so much more advanced but still full of pain and suffering. But as Anne Frank (diarist and fugitive of the Third Reich) once said, “Think of all the beauty still left around you and be HAPPY.” Go listen and ponder, a very beautiful song indeed…

leeds-castle

England 1996, my first month away from my homeland Malaysia

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7 responses »

  1. It really is eerie how so many of your thoughts co-inside with my own only my own ‘food-blog’ is not really the right place to write about this. But you, dear friend, do it so well – expressing what, I am certain of this, many of us who are around your age (and above) feel and going through.
    “Live forever…”? No, I don’t think so – the world now is not such a wonderful place anymore, or is it? Like you, I will myself to be optimistic and the immortal words of Ann Frank in your text above are certainly some of the constant reminders. Dont worry about your weekly or so entry – as your husband said, just write what’s on your mind and in your heart. Stay well.

    • Thank you Carina! Truly appreciate your positive encouraging words! It’s nice to know you share my thoughts. I’ve also received a few private messages from people I know saying they constantly think about death too but somehow afraid to express it or share it out loud. Hmm, I also find that time isn’t on my side of late, but I’ll try to blog whenever I can. You take good care too!

  2. Could relate to your blog! An uncle who was alsoy favourite passed away in.the last days of 2016. I accepted his death with Sabr as he was nearing 90 and had lead a full life. Still he left a deep void in my life as I was deeply attached to him. But the deaths of two cousins in quick succession during the last fortnight, one just my age and the second a few years older, has left me emotionally drained! Life is so unpredictable and here I am just wasting time and doing nothing worthwhile…for this world or the Hereafter!! Wonder if this jolt is a passing phase or it will help me make the most of the time I have left with me?

    • Oh, how I’ve missed you! So good to connect again! I’m so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear ones, may Allah place them amongst the pious in Jannah…I ask myself the same questions as you do. We can only hope that it will serve to remind us of our own temporary existence. Hopefully we will spend the rest of our lives wisely, not to be caught up in the trappings of this world. Everything is temporary, nothing lasts forever. We too shall pass sooner or later. I just want to be the best as I can, have a clear genuine heart and focus on those around me, InshaAllah.

      • So nice to know that I have been missed. Actually I have not been very active lately, hardly writing anything new, so I was also not reading a lot. But this span of inactivity as a writer keeps me restless. Please pray that I bounce back soon. Wishing you all the best, dear friend. I hope you have my email address because you can always approach me on it

keep your comments sweet and respectful please, thank you.

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