Tag Archives: heart

grateful heart

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I just celebrated my birthday at the weekend, so close to my 5th decade already! A thought crossed my mind; will I live to see my 50th, 60th, 70th or 80th birthday? Actually something else triggered this line of thought, a visit to my bereaved friend’s place mid last week. She’s a lovely 70 year old lady who I befriended just over a decade ago. We first met at the local library where we chatted casually. She was skeptical however when she learned that I home-educated my children. I remember how she challenged my views, she’s of the old school where there’s only one route to education. However, over the years she’s become rather fond of me and vice versa. As my children grew older she could see that I’ve done a fairly good job in educating them. She respects me for it and I value her wisdom, advice and friendship. She also loves reading, hence our first meeting at the library many moons ago. So you can imagine how well we got along over the years. Despite the age gap, I can relate to her easily each time we met and chatted.

The last time I bumped into her at the library again (late last Autumn), she told me that her husband of 50 years has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was sudden, no one saw it coming. Then we heard of his passing in early January. I managed to pop round to see her last week, she was grateful I came. She was calm but I caught the tears in the corner of her eyes. She told me how her husband refused any further treatments. Her husband had said that he’s had a good long fulfilling life (he turned 87 just before he died). He didn’t want his life prolonged any further. And 50 years of marriage, what more can she ask for? Everyone has to go someday, like it or not. Main thing is to focus on the blessings, the times you’ve shared together. Her words rang in my head for a while afterwards. I hugged my husband tight and cried when I got home. I realised the future is not ours to see, life is like an open-ended storybook. My parents had 34 years together, until my dad too, passed away so suddenly. What about us? What’s in store for us? How long have we got left?

I can worry and wonder all I want, but it wouldn’t do me any good. You can’t go around living your life like that. You’re supposed to take one day at a time. You focus on the present, you live from moment to moment. You be thankful for all the little things that come your way each day. You be grateful that you’re still alive! I’m reminded of my elder sister at this point, yes, I had an older sister who died in infancy. She was named Siti Baizura. My mom used to tell me how fair and beautiful she was, even as a baby. We visited her grave every year on Eid when I was growing up in Penang. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like had my sister lived. But I’ll never find out. My sister died, I was born a year later. I cheered my parents up just by being born, I took their grief away. They never forgot their eldest who died, it was apparent from the graveyard visits. But their focus shifted, they were happy once again and blessed with 3 more daughters!

I end this post with a grateful heart. I cannot foresee my future but I shall focus on the present and learn from the past. I’m grateful for every little thing; the air I breathe, the roof above my head, the food on my table. I’m grateful for the chance to continue living, to love and to be loved. I don’t know how long I’ve got, only God the Almighty knows. But I am ever so grateful for the 48 years I’ve had, I know I’ve been truly  blessed. The miracle of living, to experience a glimpse of heaven on this earth, for that I can only put my hands up and say, Alhamdulillah (Praise be to God)!!! And now let me get back to filling the pages of my open-ended storybook, somehow I’m not so afraid anymore…

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birthday bouquet from my family in Malaysia!

One of my favourites back in the 80s, I think it holds a new meaning for me now….

special flower

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Friends are the flowers in the garden of life,

Beginning with one seed of trust, 

Nurtured with laughter and tears, 

Growing into loyalty and love.

Thank you my beloved friend M, for the beautiful friendship that's survived the thousands of miles between us. Thank you for visiting me without fail year after year, I feel truly honoured, cherished and loved. May that unique bond between our children from toddler-teenage years blossom as they grow older. You are my very first real friend in the West, who will always occupy a special corner in my heart. You are a remarkable flower in my garden of life. Thank you for being there.

Thank you my beloved friend M, for the beautiful friendship that’s survived the thousands of miles between us now. Thank you for visiting me without fail year after year; I feel truly honoured, cherished and loved. May that unique bond between our children from toddler-teenage years continue to blossom as they grow older. You were my very first real friend in the West, who will always occupy a special corner in my heart. You are a remarkable flower in my garden of life; so strong yet so gentle, just like your wonderful boys my son loves so very much. Thank you for being there, thank you for being in our lives.

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A bittersweet melody which reminds me of the special flower in my little garden, thank you for the rainbow of colours you’ve added to my life’s journey!

run to you

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 My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

A father is neither an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, he is a guiding light whose love show us the way.

My father didn’t tell me how to live, he lived, and let me watch him do it.

my late beloved father, at 17 going on 18 (photo taken on 14/2/1955, Malaya)

my only son, looking more like my father each day

my only son, looking more like my father each day

my father, my son

my father, my son

I miss my late father, very very much. I sometimes wonder is it because he is no longer with us, that I long for his presence? Or is it because I have some regrets deep within me, wishing for the hundredth time for the chance to tell/show him how much he meant to me? I first heard this beautiful melancholy song during my son’s school concert recently. I don’t know why, but my late father came to mind instantly. When I feel bogged down with the strains of life, I wish he was there to pick me up, like he always did. Mind you, my hubby does an excellent job in doing so these days, but the little girl in me still craves for her father. The very first man I ever loved, the one who taught me how to love in return. To love deeply with all my heart, no holds barred! Oh Papa, I miss you so very much!!! But I look at your only grandson now and I see you all over again, Praise be to God! I found some solace in my grieving heart, 13 years on…

EVEN IF YOU CANNOT HEAR MY VOICE, I’LL BE RIGHT BESIDE YOU DEAR

REST IN PEACE PAPA (1937 – 2001)

true love

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I don’t need a reason to share the classic song below, but I have a few. Number one, because my dearest hubby loves it, which I only found out when it played at the cafe we were at recently. Number two, because I’m missing my hubby heaps, we’re temporarily separated by the oceans and continents. Number three, because it reminds me of my dear uncle (in his heyday), who I have prayed for day and night for the past week. Alhamdulillah, he’s on the slow road to recovery, I shall continue to pray for his health. Number four, because my hubby said I’m the greatest blessing in his life, after his faith. Which made me reflect on love, what is love actually? Is it merely a word to make the other person happy?

No, true love is pure commitment and sacrifice. True love is how I saw my parents before my beloved dad left this world. True love is what I see in my uncles’ and aunties’ long lasting marriages. True love is loving the other person unconditionally, straight from the heart. True love is what you experience after going through the ups and downs of life together. True love is what brings you nearer to God the Almighty. True love is what a close family unit share with one another. True love is standing by each other through thick and thin. True love has kept me in England for almost 17 years. True love is the reason I am still here.❤

I shall continue to stand by him, Inshallah

(England, autumn 1997) I shall continue to stand by him, Inshallah

your women

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muslim-couple-in-lovemuslim-couple-newly-wedPhotographe

So cruel, insane, inhumane, ruthless,

What possessed you to behave as such?

Blame it on modern technology, media or society,

Or the way you have been raised?

Something’s gone horribly wrong somewhere,

You have become heartless, sick and evil!

Wake up all sane men!

You are not man enough,

Until you cherish, respect, honour and protect,

Your wife, daughter, sister and mother,

All the women around you!

We need you to love us and guide us,

Tenderly, gently, whole-heartedly,

Do listen to our hearts,

Be the true men whom we love!

(my tribute in memory of the 23-year-old Delhi woman who died in the hands of men worse than beasts)

All photos above courtesy of Google Images