Tag Archives: optimism

forever young

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Greetings all! I know, it’s been well over a week since I last blogged. So much for hoping to blog weekly! Each night I try to get on the computer after my children have gone to bed, but I’ll be too shattered to put my thoughts down. My hubby said it doesn’t matter if I blogged every fortnight instead, no point sticking to my once a week writing if it’s not of good quality. I suppose he has a point. Anyway, here I am tonight, missing my blog and ready to share some thoughts with you!

Now that we’re officially middle-aged (my hubby disagrees, he who still has thick curly hair and taut tummy compared to other men his age!), I cannot help but hear of illnesses and deaths all around me. I mean, we do hear about it all the time, but somehow it stays with me a bit longer than usual now that I’m older. I remember losing a very dear cousin of mine when I was about 20. He was barely 17. My first real loss, I was devastated, but I quickly bounced back. I was very sad but I didn’t go around thinking that it could also happen to me. Like being ill or being involved in a tragic accident, it’s unfortunate that it had happened to others but surely it wouldn’t touch me? I then heard of several University mates passing away in my mid 20s, again same line of thoughts occurred. Afterwards a few relatives died suddenly in their late 50s, I remember how I wasn’t too bothered at all. Until my own dad passed away in my early 30s, then it hit me real hard!

I went around like a zombie afterwards, I kept thinking about death. Life seemed really bleak from then on. I wanted to wear all black permanently, I felt no joy whatsoever. My husband was really patient with me, always there to pick me up. I then found happiness once more when my daughter was born the following year. Children keep you busy 24/7, they are the essence of life. You cannot be half dead whilst raising children, you have to be fully awake. You need to be alive in every sense of the word! So my life resumed its normalcy. All 3 of my remaining grandparents also passed away the same year, but I could handle it. I was busy with my family life and more accepting of death. I then lost my dear Uncle a few years ago (so sad, he reminded me of my father a lot), I was able to deal with my emotion through one of my posts, Goodbye Uncle. Until now of course, fast forward 15 years, we arrive to where I am today.

Now it’s like an everyday occurrence almost; I hear so and so being ill, I hear so and so dying. And I start questioning my own mortality, I know I’m being morbid but I just can’t help it. Today I went to the doctor’s for my health check-up, all seemed fine (Alhamdulillah) apart from the usual hormonal change that women my age go through. Even that made me a little upset, I feel as if I’m not able to cope. My hubby said I’m strong and I’ve been through a lot, he’s certain I can jump pass this next hurdle in my life. InshaAllah, I can. But it just breaks my heart to pieces to hear one of my friends from boarding school being terminally ill, yes, at my age. So very young still, as many would consider. Another school friend passed away a couple of years ago, also from cancer. I can’t brush it away anymore like I did 2 decades ago, certainly not. I have to take heed, it’s a reminder. Illnesses and deaths remind us of our temporary existence in this world. One day we too shall perish, sooner or later we don’t quite know.

What do we do in the meantime? We carry on living until our last breath. We do our best in carrying out the roles in life we’ve been carved out to play. We continue to strive for success and happiness. We try to help those around us, we try to be good people. We don’t falter or lose hope. And that’s how I’m going to get through the rest of my life. I shall stay positive, my family needs me. I may be middle-aged, but that’s just a number. I need to stay young at heart, so that I can carry on. There will be thorns here and there, that’s for certain. But I can ride through it, I shall try my best. I shall make the most of my life, no one else is going to do it for me…

With that I end my post. I’m reminded of another favourite of ours at boarding school back in the 80s. Forever young, I want to be FOREVER YOUNG! Do you really want to live FOREVER? The wordings moved me even back then, now it seem very apt. The world we live in today, so much more advanced but still full of pain and suffering. But as Anne Frank (diarist and fugitive of the Third Reich) once said, “Think of all the beauty still left around you and be HAPPY.” Go listen and ponder, a very beautiful song indeed…

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England 1996, my first month away from my homeland Malaysia

november thoughts

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I hope I can be the Autumn leaf, who looked at the sky and lived. And when it was time to leave, gracefully it knew life was a gift. — Dodinsky

Greetings all! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I hope everyone’s doing well, wherever you may be. A lot has been happening in my little world, Alhamdulillah, mainly good stuff. But life is neither perfect nor all the time rosy, we’ve had our share of downs too. Nothing that cannot be dealt with though, as hurtful as it was at that moment in time. Life goes on, people move on, no point pondering over issues beyond our control and stay miserable. There’s so much in life to experience and explore, there’s many good people out there we can relate to. Always focus on the positive. Away with the negativity in life which saps your energy away!

As mentioned in my previous post, I am now more active on Instagram, like many bloggers before me. My main reason for switching my online presence mode is time factor of course. My 4 children are all growing fast now, I have to cater to their different needs. My duties as a wife, mother, home educator and homemaker seem endless these days. So much easier to update what’s happening in picture form, with an accompanying sentence or two! But I miss blogging to be honest, so occasionally you shall find me chattering away here like usual!

This is my 19th year in England; 18 years as a wife and 16 years as a mother. The first year, I was here as a postgraduate student. I have certainly come a long way. As time passes by I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I no longer feel like I have to be someone else in order to fit in. I have now learnt that I can only be myself at the end of the day. That’s when I’m happiest. My hubby sometimes says that I’m too serious. My younger self wasn’t like that, I used to laugh a lot. As we age, we change, hopefully for the better. But it’s nice to remain our old selves too. Positive changes are always welcome, it’s very enriching to adapt different cultures and backgrounds into our own. But I hope to rediscover more of my old self too in the process. I need both the old me and the new me to become a more wholesome person, I want to continue to sparkle, Inshallah!

I leave you with several recent Autumn pictures and a relaxing Autumn music. Do enjoy them. Autumn remains my favourite season, always. So serene and beautiful despite the cold and gloom. Till next time, Au Revoir!

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my middle daughter writing a story at the local farm during her younger sister’s pony riding session

Autumn leaves

My younger two enjoying Autumn!

My younger two enjoying Autumn!

good tidings

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Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts Winston Churchill

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved Helen Keller

SO PROUD OF MY LITTLE SISTER’S ACHIEVEMENT! MANY CONGRATULATIONS FROM US HERE! ❤

nana masters degree

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my youngest sister, with her thesis in hand

joy of spring

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To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist. Oscar Wilde

Live a good life. And in the end it’s not the years in a life, it’s the life in the years. Abraham Lincoln

Each day is a new life. Seize it. Live it. David Guy Powers

Greetings everyone! Apologies for the long silence. I’ve been rather busy of late, so many things happening all at once. But it’s been good, Alhamdulillah. When my beloved father passed away 13 years ago, I remember feeling so low to the point that I no longer felt joy in living. It was as if a part of me had been taken away. It took me a long while to recover. I look back on those gloomy years I went through and I’m glad I’ve come out of it. I still remember my father now and then but I snap out of my sadness quickly knowing that I have so much to be happy and grateful for. I also know my father would want me to continue living to the fullest, embracing each and every experience I encounter just like he had done. He would have said, “My dear, go and be happy.” That’s exactly what I’m doing now. As I go about my daily life of being a home educator, a mother and a wife, I get the chance to live life fully again. It’s a wonderful feeling which I hope will stay with me for many years to come, God Willing. Anyway, enough of my chattering, let me share a few pictures I’ve taken recently. They say a picture tells a thousand words, saves me from typing it all! The joy of Spring has certainly caught up with us, we are savouring every moment of this beautiful season. Stay tuned for more Spring updates, au revoir for now!

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my colourful Spring primroses

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lambing season had begun; we witnessed a lamb being born at the farm today!

my middle daughter can ride rather well now

my middle daughter can ride rather well now

joy of spring 4

my youngest enjoying Spring with her new found friend

trees blossoming, a sure sign of Spring!

robin redbreast, a regular visitor in our garden now!

robin redbreast, a regular visitor in our Spring garden!

welcome 2015

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Greetings everyone! Hope not too late to wish you all a Happy New Year! I know I have neglected my blog a bit, busy with one thing after another as usual. I now understand why many people choose social media platforms such as Facebook/Instagram for their latest life updates, a much quicker personal gratification! But I still prefer to blog, it is much more intimate, having my own little space in the cyber world. I can take my time, there is no rush, I am not really counting how many ‘likes’ I receive for each post (though I appreciate them all the same). Nor am I competing to be in the limelight. My blog allows me to share my ups and downs in life when I feel like it, it enables me to understand another piece of myself as I go along. I get the chance to ponder upon my thoughts and feelings, I try to analyse the different emotions within me at various stages of my life.

Like many of you out there, I sometimes feel on top of the world, other times I feel like I can never smile again. I try to make sense of what being human is all about. This life is too short you know, you have to find meaning and peace in your brief existence. Otherwise it’s all pointless really. All the horror, injustice and misery of this world will bog you down. I do not know what is in store for me in 2015, but I shall take one day at a time and focus on the present. I cannot change the past, nor can I predict the future, but the present beckons to me with open arms. Welcome 2015, may God give me the strength to cope with whatever comes my way this year. Life is an ocean, I shall continue to sail on the calm waters and ride through the rough storms till my last breath. Love and faith shall see me through, love and faith will keep me going, InshaAllah (God Willing)…

What is life after all, without love and faith?

Wishing everyone

hubby and I, wishing everyone a good year ahead! thank you for reading my blog!