Tag Archives: relationships

winter blessings

Standard

Whoa! A few weeks have gone by! Apologies for the rather long silence. I was hoping to blog fortnightly at least, since once a week seems almost impossible somehow. But looks like I can’t even manage that! I don’t know what it is, but the weather certainly doesn’t help at all. Winter seems endless this time around, I truly miss the sensation of warm bright sunshine on my skin! I know I’m guilty of complaining it’s too hot each time I return to my homeland Malaysia these days. But in reality I don’t really like the cold, my family and I have been down with one bug after another since December. What can I do to hurry Spring along a bit? Winter also makes me a tad miserable than usual, being in darkness most of the time doesn’t help. Can’t wait for the longer days to come again, I miss going out and about in broad daylight. I miss being out in my little garden (there’s not much life out there at the moment)!

Enough whinging, I guess I just have to be patient a little longer. Spring will dawn upon us before I know it, Inshallah. In the meantime I just have to keep busy with running my household as usual! Amongst the highs there’s also the setbacks that we face time and again of course, such is life. But as long as you have your loved ones, there’s nothing you can’t handle really. For me it’s my beloved husband, my dearest mom, both my younger sisters, my newly acquired brother in law (he’s a real gem) and several trusted friends. No matter what, I know they will always be there for me. For that I’m ever so grateful, Alhamdulillah! That’s all one needs at my age really. To know that there’s always a circle of people I can turn to. And my 4 children of course! They often give me headaches (all mothers can relate to this) with their antics but they are also without a doubt my very source of happiness.

I don’t like being miserable, no one does really. I want to count my blessings, not dwell on my misfortunes. I want to cherish those who are there for my little family and I, life is just too short. Sometimes you don’t realise who’s truly there for you until something eventful occurs. That’s when relationships are tested. That’s when people’s true colours emerge. Winter is certainly a time of reflection for me, I could go on and on! But enough rambling for now, I want to focus on being happy. You could say that’s my hope for this New Year. Life’s too short to be anything but happy! So good vibes from now on, I shall keep smiling and relate to those who bring out the best in me. I should take a leaf out of my friend’s book really. An old friend from my boarding school was in England for a visit, felt honoured when she took the trouble to see me! She’s just as sweet and bubbly as she used to be, laughing away at the end of each sentence she utters. I wish I was more like her!

I was struggling a little to find an appropriate title for this post, but finally settled on ‘Winter Blessings’. My old school friend who is terminally ill is in great pain at the moment, but she is still smiling and grateful for each and every day she has left. I should take heed; focus on my blessings and my loved ones, and be grateful for the chance and time to love and be loved. Despite all the suffering, injustice and evil around us, love still makes the world go round. I’m a great believer of true love, why, I travelled thousands of miles looking for it! I don’t settle for anything less. Celebrate love, no matter how small the gesture. Trust me, the outcome is always GREAT.

roses

Do small things with GREAT LOVE…

jasmine2

As newlyweds, England 1997

This beautiful song came out in 1996, the year I met my beloved husband in England. I shall never forget how it made me feel. Euphoria! I had the soundtrack from the movie “One Fine Day” blaring away in our racing green car the day after our wedding. This song in particular I played over and over again. I dedicate this to you my dearest sweetheart! Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice but falling in love with you I had no control over. It was a huge blessing…❤

 

grateful heart

Standard

I just celebrated my birthday at the weekend, so close to my 5th decade already! A thought crossed my mind; will I live to see my 50th, 60th, 70th or 80th birthday? Actually something else triggered this line of thought, a visit to my bereaved friend’s place mid last week. She’s a lovely 70 year old lady who I befriended just over a decade ago. We first met at the local library where we chatted casually. She was skeptical however when she learned that I home-educated my children. I remember how she challenged my views, she’s of the old school where there’s only one route to education. However, over the years she’s become rather fond of me and vice versa. As my children grew older she could see that I’ve done a fairly good job in educating them. She respects me for it and I value her wisdom, advice and friendship. She also loves reading, hence our first meeting at the library many moons ago. So you can imagine how well we got along over the years. Despite the age gap, I can relate to her easily each time we met and chatted.

The last time I bumped into her at the library again (late last Autumn), she told me that her husband of 50 years has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was sudden, no one saw it coming. Then we heard of his passing in early January. I managed to pop round to see her last week, she was grateful I came. She was calm but I caught the tears in the corner of her eyes. She told me how her husband refused any further treatments. Her husband had said that he’s had a good long fulfilling life (he turned 87 just before he died). He didn’t want his life prolonged any further. And 50 years of marriage, what more can she ask for? Everyone has to go someday, like it or not. Main thing is to focus on the blessings, the times you’ve shared together. Her words rang in my head for a while afterwards. I hugged my husband tight and cried when I got home. I realised the future is not ours to see, life is like an open-ended storybook. My parents had 34 years together, until my dad too, passed away so suddenly. What about us? What’s in store for us? How long have we got left?

I can worry and wonder all I want, but it wouldn’t do me any good. You can’t go around living your life like that. You’re supposed to take one day at a time. You focus on the present, you live from moment to moment. You be thankful for all the little things that come your way each day. You be grateful that you’re still alive! I’m reminded of my elder sister at this point, yes, I had an older sister who died in infancy. She was named Siti Baizura. My mom used to tell me how fair and beautiful she was, even as a baby. We visited her grave every year on Eid when I was growing up in Penang. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like had my sister lived. But I’ll never find out. My sister died, I was born a year later. I cheered my parents up just by being born, I took their grief away. They never forgot their eldest who died, it was apparent from the graveyard visits. But their focus shifted, they were happy once again and blessed with 3 more daughters!

I end this post with a grateful heart. I cannot foresee my future but I shall focus on the present and learn from the past. I’m grateful for every little thing; the air I breathe, the roof above my head, the food on my table. I’m grateful for the chance to continue living, to love and to be loved. I don’t know how long I’ve got, only God the Almighty knows. But I am ever so grateful for the 48 years I’ve had, I know I’ve been truly  blessed. The miracle of living, to experience a glimpse of heaven on this earth, for that I can only put my hands up and say, Alhamdulillah (Praise be to God)!!! And now let me get back to filling the pages of my open-ended storybook, somehow I’m not so afraid anymore…

dsc_0329

birthday bouquet from my family in Malaysia!

One of my favourites back in the 80s, I think it holds a new meaning for me now….

welcome 2017

Standard

welcome 2017 words on spring note book

Greetings everyone! This feels kind of weird, me getting back to my blogging world after a whole year’s break! I have to take baby steps I suppose, hopefully in time I’ll get the hang of it once more. I miss writing down my thoughts and feelings like I used to. As a result I crammed everything in my 2016 diary! But this time around I think I’ll not post countless of pictures to accompany them. Instagram is a better platform for that! So you’ll have to bear with my writing here more than anything else.

Plenty has happened to my family and I within a year, both good and bad. But such is life, as humans we amble along and make the best of whatever comes our way. Some things are beyond our control, we just have to live by it. No matter how awfully painful. Like the death of a loved one for instance. But other circumstances like dealing with annoying or difficult people, those who constantly try to bring you down, or those who don’t really hear what you’re saying, is more manageable (but challenging) I think. It’s well within your power to handle the situation the way you think best. What would you do? Easier said than done though sometimes. Depends on your relationship with that person. I used to be tolerant of such people who surround my life, but of late, I’ve had quite enough. Maybe I’m getting older and wiser, or perhaps I’m just tired of it all.

But then the more pure hearted you are, the more likely you are to get hurt. There are people out there who use you sometimes (intentionally or unintentionally), they don’t really care how you feel inside. We lead such busy lives these days, who has time for that sensitive soul? Nope, they don’t care at all. So let it be. You can either choose to get hurt each time, or move on. I say let’s get a move on! Life is so short after all. Close that door firmly behind you, look ahead. There must be others who love you unconditionally, no matter how imperfect you are. There are those who choose to close their eyes to your flaws and recognise your worth. There are genuine people who’s always there for you, both in good times and bad times. Focus on those beautiful souls. They are the ones who make life worth living…

I usually end with a song! This one is in memory of a remarkable singer who shaped my teenage years. Somehow this song also sums up this debut post of mine for 2017. Wishing all my readers and followers a Happy New Year 2017, may it bring you more sunshine than rain. But if it does rain a lot, get that umbrella handy!

eid memories

Standard

Life brings tears, smiles and memories. The tears dry, the smiles fade; but memories…MEMORIES LAST FOREVER!

Greetings everyone! Today is the 6th day of the holy month of Ramadan (Muslim calendar), I can’t believe it’s almost a week since we started fasting! Alhamdulillah, we are managing fairly well even though we fast for around 19 hours in England. Anyway, as always, this blessed month tends to make me rather nostalgic. I miss my family and homeland more than ever at this time of the year. Memories of fasting there in Ramadan followed by the Eidul Fitri celebration which comes a month later (Syawwal) stays with me. The last time I was in Malaysia for Ramadan and Eid as a single young woman was back in 1996, a few months before I flew to England to pursue my Masters degree. Little did I know at the time that it would be my last Ramadan and Eid there. My whole life changed afterwards when I met my husband and settled down in England. I still return to my homeland every few years but it rarely coincides with the auspicious months of Ramadan and Syawwal. These months are truly special for they increase our spirituality as well as strengthen our relationships with our nearest and dearest. I look forward to future Ramadans and Eids with my family, relatives and friends back in my homeland, InshaAllah. And this time I return with a family of 6! As usual, I miss my beloved father more than ever in Ramadan, I wish for the hundredth time that he was still alive to see my growing family. He would have been very happy. May your soul rest in peace Papa, you may not be with us in body but I keep your spirit alive, your grandchildren knows you through my memories. I leave you with several images from my Eid in Malaysia ages ago, along with a nostalgic Malay Eid song I still love. Ramadan Mubarak to all, do remember my family and I here in your prayers…

my younger sisters with my parents on Eid day, 1996

my younger sisters with my parents on Eid day, 1996

me on Eid day, 1996

ehet

my parents with my son, their first grandchild, Eid 2000

Never too early to play that nostalgic Eid song…I could listen to it over and over again…

run to you

Standard

 My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

A father is neither an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, he is a guiding light whose love show us the way.

My father didn’t tell me how to live, he lived, and let me watch him do it.

my late beloved father, at 17 going on 18 (photo taken on 14/2/1955, Malaya)

my only son, looking more like my father each day

my only son, looking more like my father each day

my father, my son

my father, my son

I miss my late father, very very much. I sometimes wonder is it because he is no longer with us, that I long for his presence? Or is it because I have some regrets deep within me, wishing for the hundredth time for the chance to tell/show him how much he meant to me? I first heard this beautiful melancholy song during my son’s school concert recently. I don’t know why, but my late father came to mind instantly. When I feel bogged down with the strains of life, I wish he was there to pick me up, like he always did. Mind you, my hubby does an excellent job in doing so these days, but the little girl in me still craves for her father. The very first man I ever loved, the one who taught me how to love in return. To love deeply with all my heart, no holds barred! Oh Papa, I miss you so very much!!! But I look at your only grandson now and I see you all over again, Praise be to God! I found some solace in my grieving heart, 13 years on…

EVEN IF YOU CANNOT HEAR MY VOICE, I’LL BE RIGHT BESIDE YOU DEAR

REST IN PEACE PAPA (1937 – 2001)